My Path

The path my life has taken is one that I never ever though would happen. From surgeries to deployments to injuries, its all been unimaginable. I wouldn't trade it for anything though. People hear that and don't understand.
Through the course of my life there has been some crazy things that have happened. They have mostly been in the last 10 years, but they are still crazy. Getting a plastic plate put in my head? If you had asked me if I thought that would ever have happened what I was younger I would have just laughed at you. I have always been a risk taker, but at the same time I have taken calculated risks. Up until my head injury I had never had anything worse that a cut on my leg. Now I have a plate in my head, fused vertebrae, and plates in my shoulder!
Through all of this I have never lost who I truly am. I have learned from each and every experience I have been through and grown because of it. I have met some of the most amazing and astounding people. There are only a handful of people from high school that I still keep in contact with. But there are people that I have met in the navy and through my injuries that I never want to lose out of my life.
The thought that everything happens for a reason is true. Sometimes it is very hard to see the reason, such as my motorcycle accident. From my accident, however, I have been able to stay in San Diego, meet some incredible people, and affect the lives around me for the better. Now, I think those are some damn good reasons.
My mom was telling me the other day that she wishes she could have traded places with me on that 10th day of July, 2013 (the day off my accident). I told her no! Not a chance in hell I would let that happen! First off because I couldn't handle seeing my mother go through the things I have gone through, and she doesn't know how to ride a motorcycle. But also because my life would be so incredibly different if it hadn't happened. I would have been transferred to Maryland and not be able to be with my family as much as I can be right now. I would have missed out on meeting the incredible nurses, doctors, and therapists that help me get to where I am. I wouldn't have joined Match.com and met some of the women whom have become friends, one has actually became my best friend and true companion. And I wouldn't have known the other patients, that are going through similar things that I am going through, to help me push me to accept nothing but my absolute best.
I never would have started this blog. And I never would have been able to inspire people the way I do right now. Honestly though, I don't feel like I am someone that people should be looking to for motivation. To me, getting better was the only option I had. It isn't like I chose the harder path because I wanted to inspire people. I chose the path I did because that is truly the only option available.
I want everyone that has had a spinal cord injury to remember that you can do it. No matter what it is, set your mind to do something and don't let anyone get in your way. The doctors were telling me that I needed to have a backup plan in case I was unable to walk out of the hospital. I just ignored them and kept striving for my goal. That is what everyone needs to do. Dont worry about the ones who doubt you. Make your path the way you want it and stick to it. The only thing that would hold you back is you!

Dreams

I have to say, I wish dreams were reality. If that were the case I would be the happiest guy on earth. Not just because I would be rich, have all the cars/truck/jeeps I want, have an incredible house with the best garage ever, but I would be okay.
I have this recurring dream that I am running. It is always in a different place, but I am running. Sometimes it is a little weird, one time I was running on some weird path that was in space, wrapped around some random station. It happens the same every time; I am still injured but I can run at least. I have a bit of a limp in every dream I have had, and I am a bit off balance but again, I am running! I run to push myself because I know the only way that I can get better is to push.
I hate running! Before my accident I would do ANYTHING but run. Swim, elliptical, stationary bike, spin bike, you name it I would try it. But now that I am not able to run, that is all I want to do. I know in my mind I still hate it but it is one of those things; one of those things that you can't stand not doing because of the reason. If it was any other reason I wouldn't care. If there was no place to run, it was too dangerous to run, whatever. I would be okay with those reasons. Not being physically able to run is one reason that I cannot deal with.
I am able to swim! I can do a fully American crawl. The first time I got into the pool after my accident I was no where near being able to swim. That was worse than running because swimming is my sport! After many painful hours of working out and therapy I am able to swim again. I know it will be the same for running. I WILL be able to do it again because I will push myself until I achieve my goal. But in the mean time, it is going to drive me insane.

Push yourself like there is no tomorrow. Push yourself to your goal. Strive for excellence and you will achieve excellence. Persevere. 

Rest days

I have to say, I hate rest days. I feel like I need to push myself as hard as I can ALL the time. My body does need to rest however. It is making things hard to do.
When I do rest, I usually just lay around the house. When I lay around the house I don't feel good at all. I want to get out and do things but I also don't feel great leaving the house. I don't want to say that I am embarrassed to go out because I am not. I just hate having to work so damn hard to do nothing. That is was keeps me at the house because it isn't hard to lay down or sit down and watch TV, read, or do some other activity. Well, I will find something that can keep me both up and about but relaxed at the same time. 

What kind of animal are you?

A while ago an incredible girl asked me what kind of animal I am. After giving it a lot of thought I realize that my animal would be a lion. I can give you a few reasons coming up but just know that no matter what animal you are, you have to push yourself to be the best you can be.
The reason that I chose a lion and my animal is easy, I'm the king! I was born a leader and will always be. I can be wild but I will also take care of my herd. What I mean by herd is family and friends. I will do anything and everything for my family and for my true friends. I love to run free and be out in the wild. That is hard for me to do at the moment but I will always have that spirit. I run with all my other lions meaning I love being around people. I am a social animal. I don't let hyenas (people who hate greatness) get to me. I am my own animal and that will not change. I have had a major set back but just like a lion I will always strive for greatness. In the end, I have the heart of a lion, I cannot be stopped!
Everyone that has had a set back with a SCI has to remember to keep pushing yourself and strive for greatness. You can overcome more than you realize. Just don't give up!

Motivation

Dating

I feel like I have a problem with dating. I am not one to settle for something. I work very hard to take care of myself and I want someone that takes care of themselves also. The problem with that is I want someone active but it is hard for me to be active to. I feel like a total hypocrite about all of this.
I am very picky on who I want to be with. I don't want someone that just sits around the house all day, even though I have to do that some times. It makes things really hard. I actually joined Match.com in order to force myself to get out of the house and meet new people. Of course I am looking for someone to be in a relationship with but that will come over time. I don't want to rush that. When I first got out of the hospital I became a shut in. I wouldn't go out anywhere or do anything with anyone. If my roommates invited me out to dinner I would turn them down with some excuse about being in pain. So joining a dating website forced me to go out. That was my original reason for joining but now I want a relationship. I do have to wait though.
I have met some amazing women from that site. So far, nothing has blossomed from it though. I put that I was in a accident on my profile and that I cannot get around as well as I used to and I think that turns some girls away. That being said I feel like they are the ones that I am looking for. I want the kind of girl that is active and gets out of the house. Not to go to a bar, but to get to the gym. To go hiking or be out and about. I don't know if I will be able to join them doing that though. Of course I can go lay on the beach or go to the gym, but I don't know if I could go hiking or if I would be able to be that active.
I know I am rambling on, I just have all this to say. Maybe someone out there will be the one to put up with me and all my "short comings". There have been a few times where I thought I found someone and didn't have to keep searching. Obviously I was wrong but I know one day that will come true. Good luck to me! 

Just Go Away Pain

I don't get it. In any other injury there is pain but it goes away over time. So far, my back pain has not gone anywhere. I want to stop taking all the pain medications that I have but I just can't. I hate taking medication, I always have. I just want this pain in my back to go away.
If it was just the pain in my shoulder I wouldn't really care because it is only when I am using it a lot. But my back hurts even when I am just sitting around. That is what my weekends have become. Me just sitting around watching TV or a movie. The only time I go out is in I go with my roommates to the store or a restaurant. Even then, there are times where my back is hurting enough that I don't want to go anywhere. I know I should take my pain meds but like I said, I don't like to. So I basically just suck it up and deal with the pain.
I have noticed that when I am up say, cooking a full meal, my back hurts pretty bad. I have no idea why that is the case. I have been trying to work out my back and strengthen the muscles so they are strong enough to hold me up longer than I am right now. Its not like my back collapses or anything, it just hurts pretty bad. I feel that if the muscles were stronger that wouldn't happen.

Just keep pushing, don't ever let something as silly as pain hold you back.

Patients

I have to keep reminding myself to be patient. I have never been a patient person and nothing has changed. I keep wanting everything to be better now. I want to be able to wake up and not have to work my ass off to do the simplest tasks.
I went to wash my truck two days ago and it ended up taking much longer than I thought it would. Because it was hard for me to move around my truck and make sure it was clean it took me longer. I don't like being this way. I know I am not alone either. I keep telling myself to be patient, all my hard work will pay off in the end. I just want this all to be better.

This post is all about venting. I know I will be fine and I will do better than I am right now, I just want results immediately instead of over time. Everything will be fine. Just make sure you keep that in mind a I have to do the same thing. 

Power

There is an unlimited amount of power that you can have inside you. What you need to do is find a way to let it out. The power that I am talking about is Will Power. You have to be able to believe in yourself before all else.
It takes a whole lot to overcome and injury, especially a spin cord injury. I can't tell you the number of times I wished that my accident had never happened and I didn't have to deal with everything that goes along with my injury. The thing that kept me going, that I will never lose is will power.
It has allowed me to do some incredible things. Things that I did not realize that I could do until I had done it. There were a LOT of obstacles that I had to get over in order to be where I am today. The first, and biggest, was being able to move my legs.
I can still remember laying on the ground in tremendous pain and realizing that my legs were tingling and I was having a hard time moving them. At the time I was more focused on my shoulder because that is where the pain was most. After they pumped me full of morphine and I calmed down I had time to think about what was happening. I didn't realize the extent of my injuries at the time. True is, while I was being air lifted to the hospital what I was doing was looking around a the helicopter and comparing it to the one that I worked in. I got to the hospital and once settled and after the surgery on my clavicle it all started to set in. Even though I was high on pain meds I was still trying my best to listen to everything that everyone was saying around me. There were a lot of negative sounding things being said. After all of my surgeries I was laying there in the hospital bed and the doctor came in and asked if I could feel him touching my toes. I could feel it but when he asked me if I could move them, try as I might, there was nothing.
I was told about my injuries and that I was paralyzed from the waist down. I was told that I may never walk again. My reaction to that was laughter. I couldn't tell whether I was laughing out loud or not, all I know was in my head I was laughing. I wasn't going to listen to the doctors no matter how positive they were that my injuries would prevent me. I knew in my heart that I would be back up at back in action. It took just over a week but I was able to wiggle the toes on my left foot. The doctors were shocked and excited for me.
 The reason I was able to wiggle my toes was because I told myself that I wasn't going to let anything stop me. I used the power that I had inside me to force my body to work. Will power wouldn't let me give up and just accept what the doctors were telling me. Any time that I could I would try to wiggle my toes. I didn't do it only when people asked me to, but whenever I thought about it. I wasn't going for the satisfaction of hearing others reactions. No! I was doing it because in my mind I wouldn't ever settle for less than all I have.
I used will power throughout my recovery and still use it today. Would I like to just sit around and relax, not work myself so hard? Hell yes I would! But in my mind I know that I can be better than I am right now. The will power I have inside of me is what gets me out of bed everyday and pushes me to work harder and do more. To never settle for less than I want.

The people at the VA in La Jolla, California are incredible. Not just the nurses and therapists, they are amazing as well but that is for a different post, but the patients that are there 3-5 times a week. The ones that push themselves to work hard and do their absolute best. They have harnessed their will power and have put it towards doing anything and everything they are capable of. At my therapy today I took a break from my own workout and looked around at all the other SCI (spinal cord injury) patients that were there to workout and push themselves. It was inspiring to see that they were not just settling, and were pushing to improve. I may have days where I don't want to get out of bed or do anything at all, I know they are the same way. Its the will power that we have in ourselves that push us to do better.

Don't ever settle for less than you can be. Don't ever settle because you are tired, or its too much work. Use your inner power and push yourself to be better tomorrow then you are today. That is the only way to go on. There are those that settle, don't be one of them. I know that I never will and that is what has helped me get to where I am. That is what is going to help me get to where I want to be. 

My thoughts

Like I told you guys last night, the insomnia that I have sucks but it gives me a lot of time to think about everything that is going on in my life.
One of the biggest things that I have been spending lots of time thinking about is my future. When I first got injured I was in the mind set that nothing was going to stop me and I was going to get better and be back to doing my job as a Naval Aircrewman. The doctors were telling me that I would be lucky to just be able to walk again. I just had to laugh in their faces. Well, after much thought I have realized that it is no longer safe for me to be a crewman. I hate the fact that it is true but it is. The biggest thing that I have taken into account is my ability to egress the helicopter should anything bad happen. It is rare but accidents do happen. In the rare event that something did happen, all the hardware in my back would just make things ten times worse. I am afraid that I would be paralyzed and it wouldn't allow me to get out of the helicopter. That is a chance that I am not willing to take.
I have decided that I am going to get out and go back to college to do something. I don't know what I am going to study yet, but it will be something good. I just have to keep pushing myself hard in order to open all my options of a job that I can do.

Just remember, the mind is the only thing that will hold you back. Your body can do amazing things, you just can't let your mind get in the way!!

Insomnia sucks

I hate having insomnia but it gives me time to think about everything. I'll tell you some of the things I was thinking when I get up in the morning. Until then...

Some inpatient photos.

A few pictures from in the hospital.

The life of Tim

I have had an amazing life, no matter how you look at it. I grew up with a normal life, an amazing family and great friends. It was completely normal right up until I joined the Navy actually.
When I was a kid I played soccer like everyone else. While in middle school I play some ice hockey at the local ice rink. Had awesome friends growing up that I would love to hang out with. When I got to high school my mom introduced me to water polo. My uncle played it in high school and thought that I would enjoy it. And oh how she was right!! I absolutely love water polo! I wish I had gone to college to play it. In high school I played water polo and was on the swim team. I had such great times in high school! Looking back, the only reason I went to class was so that I could play sports after. I know I am a smart guy but I hated sitting in class. Unfortunately I only did just enough to keep my grades up so I could play sports. If I had really applied myself I would have aced high school. But oh well.
After high school I worked for a while. My hight school had a "grad night" at an indoor go-kart track. I loved it so I actually got a job there after graduation!! It was an awesome place to work. Great people and all the racing I could handle when I was off work. Unfortunately that place went out of business so I had to move on. I got a job at Hollister Clothing Co. While working there I went and talked to the Navy recruiter. I "joined" the navy in April of 2005 but stayed home for about 7 months. It gave me time to say goodbye to everyone and get ready to leave.
I left for the navy in November of 2005. I spent the average 2 months in Great Lakes, Illinois for boot camp. Great Lakes is right next to Chicago, and Chicago in the winter, what a wonderful place! I hope that everyone got the sarcasm in that last statement. From Illinois I went to Pensacola, Florida for my "A" school. This is where all the fun in my life began. I made it through Aircrew school and Rescue Swimmer School with no problems at all. When I got to "A" school that is when I learned that I had, what is called, Fibrous Dysplasia in my left forehead. Within two weeks of my diagnosis I was in Birmingham, Alabama getting surgery on my head. It took two surgeries and a plastic plate in my forehead but I made it through that just fine. I was on hold for about six months in Florida waiting to get a waiver in order to be able to fly still.
I received my waiver and moved on from there. I moved out to San Diego, California for my next schooling. I started FRAC, or Fleet Replacement Air Crew, in October of 2008. It took me about 10 months to complete my FRAC but passed that with flying colors. I was transferred to HSM-71 right there in San Diego for my sea duty. As soon as I transferred I was deployed to the 7th Fleet AOR. That is the 7th Floor Area Of Responsibility to those not in the military. That was a 5 month deployment and was a great learning experience. When I got back from that deployment I was riding my motorcycle and was in my first accident.
I am going to stop right there and tell everyone, I KNOW. It isn't a safe hobby and I should have stopped after my first accident. Some may understand what a passion it is and why I got back on a bike. I absolutely love it and to be honest, I would ride again. I am NOT going to though so don't worry about that. I can't put my friends and family through that again, let alone myself.
Anyways, I didn't have any physical injuries from that just a really bad concussion. The Navy qualified it as a TBI or Traumatic Brain Injury. Whatever that means right Mom? (She is going to kill me reading that haha) I was in therapy for that injury for about 2 months. Once done with therapy I went back to work but wasn't allowed to fly. I guess studies have shown that if you get knocked unconscious you are at risk of seizures. I was just fine but had to work in Operations at the squadron for a year until I received my waiver to fly. Again, I made it through with flying colors.
After that I was deployed 2 more times without any incident. Deployed the first time for seven months and the second for nine. Good times there for sure! Sarcasm again... After this last deployment I was riding my motorcycle again. I hit a bump in the road, was knocked off balance on my bike and wasn't able to get set for the turn right after. I ended up going off the road and "high siding" my motorcycle.
The second and FINAL motorcycle crash was much more serious than the first. I was left paralyzed and in bad shape. I broke my clavicle, scapula, a few ribs, and some vertebrae. Also punctured my lung, good times. I ended up spending 85 days as an inpatient in the hospital. It took me almost 2 months to walk again. The thing that I didn't do, however, was listen to the doctors. They kept telling me to have a backup plan so that I wasn't disappointed when I couldn't walk out of the hospital. Well I sure as hell showed them.
I worked as hard as my body would let me in order to get back to where I was and I am still working on it. I got the therapy 5 days a week and workout at the gym up to 7 days a week. I have been taking my weekends off lately because my body needs the rest, but I don't like it.

I WILL succeed and I WILL get back to as close to where I was before my accident. I set up this blog in order to vent my feelings a bit but mostly to inspire and motivate people to push themselves. Your body isn't what is stopping you, your mind is. Strong mind, strong body! Keep it up everyone!

Just one of those days

I don't know what was going on today but I was just having one of those "blah" kind of days. I had to get up earlier than normal this morning to go turn in my PARFQ for the upcoming PFA. For those that aren't hip to the Navy acronyms a PARFQ is a paper that is basically telling your command that you can or can't do the PFA, or Physical Fitness Assessment. The Navies way of saying that you are in good enough shape to do your job.
On a side note, I think the Navy PFA is a bunch of crap. I have seen a few people complete the PFA that I don't think meet the standards to stay in the military. Yet if they can complete the push-ups, sit-ups and mile and a half run they are good to go for another quarter. I think it is a bunch of crap, but thats just me.
Back to my day, after turning in my paperwork I headed to the gym. I wasn't really feeling like working out but I know that the only way that I am able to get better is to go to the gym and work my ass off so that I can continue to improve. You don't improve from just sitting around at home and paying video games. (I do play video games but I still get off my lazy ass and workout) Then I hung out with a friend for a bit before coming home. I just wasn't feeling like I had any energy at all to I took a nap. That felt good and now I am up and about. I hope that I can sleep later tonight.
I will throw another blog on here that talks about my life and what I have been through right after this actually. So keep on reading!

Introduction

This is my first post as a blogger and I am learning along the way, so please help out if you think there is something I am missing. I am starting this blog in order to help and motivate anyone that comes across this page. I was involved in an accident that changed my life. I know that everything happens for a reason, I just haven't figured out the reason for this one just yet. There is a lot of knowledge that I have and I am hoping to share it with everyone.